i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
