He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
