the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
