we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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