she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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