Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I want to fling myself into the sun
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
