You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
