The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
