i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
