I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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