I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
