a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
