I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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