Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
