I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
