i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
