Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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