I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
