dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
