I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
