he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
