Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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