The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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