no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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