normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
