on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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