...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
