I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Randomize
