We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
