I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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