guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
