you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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