It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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