Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
