did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
