But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
