hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I need mimosas to revive my soul
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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