after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
