I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
