I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Congratulations! We have a period
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
