I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
