Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
