I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
