wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
