how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
