ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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