There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
