You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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