You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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