i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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